Mindful listening in a nutshell

The world is changing and so is the way we communicate. The last decade has seen us focus on building the skill to create effective communicators. While it is important to be able to stand up and talk, the importance of sitting down and listening cannot be undermined. As the world is moving towards a more digitized way of communication, the scope of the term listening too has to evolve to ensure completeness and comprehensiveness. It has become more important than ever to consciously train ourselves to become mindful listeners to deepen our understanding of the world and people around us, thus helping us build strongly rooted, fulfilling relationships in our personal and professional endeavours.

How can we become mindful listeners?

Listen to understand, not to respond

The idea of awarding bonus points to the person who starts the discussion at a group discussion has evolved to be widely misused when it is about ‘Listening to Respond’. We are in a hurry to respond to questions, not because we are equipped with the appropriate information or response but because we probably want to make our presence felt. And why not? After all, visibility matters. Little do we realise that by doing this, not only do we dilute the listening experience, we also put ourselves at great risk for negative publicity in case we don't get the question right. To be a mindful listener, it is very important to listen with the sole purpose of gaining deeper insights and understanding. 

Bring in some empathy

As judgement and bias are so closely placed, its best to avoid any form of judgment while trying to be mindful listeners. One of the effective ways is to empathize with the speaker(s) in the conversation. Empathy raises our Emotional Quotient and opens up our brain to the world of endless emotions that can be felt and decoded during the course of a dialogue, meeting or discussion, thus helping us to understand wholeheartedly and comprehensively.

Ask questions

Once empathy is in place, it is easier to establish a connection with the speaker. One of the ways to deepen our understanding and increase the level of listening is to ask pertinent, well-articulated, non-intimidating questions.  It’s important to be conscious of the reactions of the speaker when the questions are posed, in order to sense discomfort, aggression, relief etc, which will only help expand our understanding

Pre-conditioning the mind to listen

Often, prior to a social gathering or an important meeting, we pre-condition our mind to talk well, present effectively or network actively. On the contrary, how often do we tell ourselves to listen intently, remember accurately or understand comprehensively what we heard? Our brain is an amazing device - all we need to do is to train it appropriately to focus on the important activities which have lasting long-term impact, listening being one of them. Instruct the brain that it’s not only important to pitch yourself effectively at the next networking event, but it’s also important to receive information about the other attendees to build that resourceful database that you can tap into.

Why is mindful listening so difficult?

·     Bias: There is a thin line between judgement, experience and bias, which is why bias is one of the most difficult aspects to detect and deal with. Bias can include bias towards the speaker, situation, organization, idea of the kind of dialogue, bias towards the medium, such as a meeting, conference call etc. Bias closes the mind to the variety of possibilities that can be explored. Ironically, it’s also because of bias that we let our minds wander out of a certain situation or conversation.

Impatience: The pace of thinking of each individual is different and so is the rate of speech. Some like to rush their thoughts out even before they are completely conceived and comprehended, while others can’t even let out a sigh until they have formulated the entire sentence with the precise choice of vocabulary. As efficient listeners, we have to respect this difference and show patience, allowing them the required time to formulate their thoughts and vocalize it as. The temptation to complete somebody else's sentence may sometimes be so compelling, but we need to ensure we don’t succumb to it.

Jumping to conclusions: More often than not, we try to preempt the direction of a dialogue and what the conclusion could be. It is likely that we get so engrossed in this conclusion that we may start steering all conversation in this direction, completely missing out on the possibilities that could have been explored by an, otherwise, open mind.