Listening and emotional intelligence

With the world moving at a mercurially rapid pace, this era of evolution of mankind is becoming extremely complex. While technology has provided ease of operation; digitization and social media have whipped up emotions that are unmatched in their intensity and volatility. The web and the social media have taken complete control of our lives, shrinking the world into one large ecosystem where we live in a state of ‘constant feeling’, making instant gratification a way of life and a surge in emotions is just a swipe or a click/touch away.

It is becoming increasingly indispensable for people to acknowledge, comprehend and react appropriately, and become emotionally intelligent towards themselves and others. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the new IQ.

A gasp of breath, shift in eye focus, slight hesitation, pauses and distraction are all subtle ways in which people express their real story. Choice of words, difference in what is explained in detail and what is cut short, pace of speech are all subtle indications that only a mindful listener can grasp, understand and decode to get to the underlying crux of a situation.

Mindful listening, as Dale Carnegie says, is a skill that can be mastered only with practice and conscious application, where a listener whole-heartedly commits himself to the discussion at hand.

Listening in leadership

Leadership training has emerged to become a mandatory exercise for someone who is just stepping into the fraternity of leaders and aspires to sit at the high table. Leadership courses revolve primarily around different leadership styles, theories of motivation, team building etc. But one of the key skills every leader needs to develop and master is the art of listening.

Leaders not only need to listen efficiently but they also need to listen mindfully. What’s the difference? Leaders need to listen to not only what is said but they also need to pay attention to what’s NOT said. In addition to what is being said or reported, they need to pay attention to the body language of their team members to really understand the situation as a whole.

Listening in interpersonal skills

We are aware of how important it is to build strong relationships with our stakeholders to ensure success in our personal and professional endeavours. The communication pyramid is a very powerful framework to help people work on their interpersonal skills in a focussed manner. The foundation stone of this pyramid is ‘trust’. But how does listening help build trust?

When we listen to someone intently, we understand them at a deeper level. It builds confidence in them that we genuinely care. Hence, they find it easier to confide and give information that may be crucial to the project at hand. Studies show that active mindful listening, without bias, helps build positive and long -lasting relationships. Many successful sales people would agree that they could clinch that ‘important’ deal only when they could establish a genuine connection with the client.

Listening: The understated rocket science

It’s a lazy Sunday morning, and I’m sipping my morning coffee, more out of habit, than need. I reach out for my newspaper and find several local advertising pamphlets promoting camps and classes for kids - yoga, brain training, communication, personality development, storytelling, drama and theatre for expression etc.

While I glanced through each of these, one thing became increasingly obvious – the world has understood that exemplary communication skill was indispensable to becoming successful. It had emerged as the one thing everyone wanted to master.

We have been giving so much importance on learning how to talk well, and be an assertive communicator etc, but how much emphasis have we given to listening skills? We all know that listening is an integral part of communication. However, here’s the real question – Is listening just a part or should it be one of the most important pillars of soft skills?

Listening, as a term, has well been underrated for years, constrained by its literal meaning of attentive hearing. There may be a need to redefine this term to encompass the entire spectrum of associated activities that makes it such an inevitable skill to acquire.

In the current context, listening is not just about hearing what’s said attentively to ensure one has a factually correct understanding but it also includes associated subjective variables like comprehension of what’s been communicated in association with the underlying context, envision the narration, reading the body language of the speaker to be able to understand nuances and subtleties. In short, grasping what’s communicated, not only in terms of factual content, but also emotions. This is probably why it should receive the status of a complex skill that needs dedicated training.

With this evolved meaning to the term Listening, its not difficult to agree how listening ties back to almost all the soft skills that we aspire to hone and master.

Imagine @ Festival City Dubai

Imagine @ Festival City Dubai

A Show Like No Other! 

Light, Water and Fire 

Guinness Book Record 

http://www.festivalcentre.com/

#ImagineDubai #FestivalCity #FestivalBay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyuUeF7rdPE  

Moh Moh Ke Dhaage, Cover by Kartik Kumar

Moh Moh Ke Dhaage 

Movie: Dum Lagaa Ke Haisha 

Music: Anu Malik 

Lyrics: Varun Grover 

Originally sung by Papon 

This attempt by Kartik Kumar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QxIhTj6QUc

Maruvaarthai Pesade, Cover by Kartik Kumar

Song: Maruvaarthai Pesade 

Movie: Enai Nokki Paayum Thota 

Lyrics: Thamarai 

Music: Mr. X 

Originally sung by Sid Sriram 

This humble attempt by me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_HeAMbwTco

Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert

Big Magic is part self-help, part-fable, an attempt at presenting an alternate view of creativity. You may not agree with all that she says; I didn’t, for one. Many of the good quotes and ideas in the book are from existing literature, stories and people, quoted in detail; parts which’ve made what should be a blog into a book. 

She contends that ideas have a life-form, a consciousness, and move from person to person. She shares some anecdotes which I just can’t believe. When I reached this part, I suspended reading the book for a couple of months. She has no clear and final views; she travels through thoughts and presents all that she feels, so it’s unclear what she wanted to convey. 

Some good ideas in the book include 

1. Don’t expect your creativity to support you financially (easier said, but I agree with the thought); 

2. Don’t fetishize suffering; art doesn’t have to be achieved through suffering; 

3. Art is paradoxically meaningless and meaningful, a paradox you should comfortably inhabit (got me thinking); 

4. Treat your creative pursuit like a passionate extramarital affair, not an old marriage; pursue it while no one is watching; 

5. Question is not what would you do if you knew you could not fail? Question is what would you do even if you knew you would fail? 

In all, a quick read, with some food for thought and some takeaways.

Yatho Bhavoh, Tatho Rasah!

"Yatho Hastas, Tatho Drishti; 
 Yatho Drishti, Tatho Manah; 
 Yatho Manah, Tatho Bhavah;
 Yatho Bhavoh, Tatho Rasah" 

A beautiful quote from Natyashaastra. 

Where the hands go, the eyes follow; 
Where the eyes see, the mind follows;
Where the mind wanders, the feeling follows; 
Where the feeling is, the emotions arise. 

Kamal Hasan, in his character in the movie Saagara Sangamam (Confluence with the ocean, language: Telugu), dubbed into Tamil as Salangai Oli (Sound of the bells) and Malayalam as Saagara Sangamam, says these lines to an acclaimed but arrogant dancer. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sagara_Sangamam

You can see it in youtube at the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV-smzc09Cw  from 5.15 to 5.30. Do see it! 

Memory lane.... KL.... Yaariyan....

Memory lane in Kuala Lumpur 

Music of Yaariyaan from Cocktail 

Sunidhi Chauhan and Pritam  

Video by Kartik Kumar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCikmQQPGBQ